She would rather have been dead than sober

For a long time Madeline genuinely believed she would rather be dead than sober. OxyContin turned into heroin, heroin brought psychosis, and keeping it going led her into sex work.

She is more than seven years sober now, and most of this conversation is about the work that keeps that true: the twelve steps, a sponsor, meetings, prayer, meditation, and making amends to the people she hurt.

The change she describes best is a small one. She stopped walking into every room working out what she could take from it, and started looking for what she could give.